Captivating

I have been reading the book, "Captivating" by John and Stasi Edlredge. What an awesome book! I have been learning a lot about how Jesus does not just want to love us as Abba Father, but as our Lover. This weekend, Jesus has been pursuing me and romancing me, and I am so in love!!! I just had one of those amazing weekends! On Friday I spent time in my car after volunteering and just cried out to Jesus. I gave Him all my hurts and told Him how I longed to be loved. (I told Him how much it hurts that when we were separated Dan told me he didn't love me anymore. I have been really craving to hear Dan say that he loves me and he has only said it twice since he has been back. My love language is words of affirmation, and I'm just not getting them from Dan.) Jesus captured my heart there in my car. He wrote me a love poem. Part of me wants to share it, but I'm not going to...It's mine :) Let's just say, I have never felt so loved and wanted in my whole life. I spent the rest of the weekend, and everyday since, looking for Valentine's from Jesus. A beautiful sunset, painted for me (the one on the top of the page is a picture I took the morning after Dan asked to come home. A new beginning to a new marriage!). Birds calling out their joyful song, imploring me to worship with them. Dark shadows of trees silhouetted against the evening sky. My Jesus doesn't just love me...He LOVES me!

At church on Sunday I raised my hand for prayer for healing of emotional scars (I have been going to a very Spirit filled church and someone got a word from the Lord about this). I had a lot of scars from the past couple of months that I knew needed healing. One lady whispered in my ear after several people had been praying for a while. She said, "You are the princess daughter of the most high and He esteems you. He loves you." Who told her what Jesus had written to me in that poem?? How did she know that's what He was telling me?

After worship, as often happens, the sermon came. This is a BIG church I go to, but that sermon was just for me! It was a beautiful sermon and when they post it on their website I will add a link to it. It was about how God sees us as beautiful and how much He loves us, even through all our hurts; how He is worthy of our praise.

After the sermon I went up for more prayer. Of all the prayer warriors up front I went up to a couple of ladies who were able to encourage me and minister to me in a way that could only be another Valentine from the Lover of my soul!

Because of the love I received this weekend I was able to love Dan with no expectation. I could just keep pouring it out because my Jesus was filling me up. Jesus' love is like nothing I have ever experienced...I wish I could give it to you!! Ironically, Dan was so pleasant this weekend. I also had a great time with him. Nothing earth-shattering happened...and I think that's a good thing!

Jesus loves me. THIS I know!