Always and Regrets

I learned even more about divorce this week. After talking with my neighbor, who is probably in his 70s, I realized that divorce always hurts. I imagine, as with most things, the pain dulls with time, but it does not ever go away. My neighbor was telling me about how ugly his divorce was and how he gave up everything to keep custody of his kids. As I watched his eyes well with tears that he struggled to hold back, I realized that it still hurt for him after many decades of time to heal. It put into perspective the two years I've been working to heal and the fact that I feel like it shouldn't still hurt as much as it does. My healing time is a drop in the bucket compared to his--it's ok that it still hurts. It shows I've loved well. In an unrelated conversation this week I realized that I do not regret the time I spent loving Dan and being loved by him. Sometimes I curse the extra 4 years from the time he first filed to the time the divorce actually did go through to finalization, but the reality of it is--I don't regret it. I don't regret the moments I got to prove to Dan that I did love him, and vice versa. I don't regret the times we held each other in those years that followed, and the flame that began to reignite. I don't regret giving it everything I have for myself, for my kids, and even for Dan. I wanted it to work. I wanted us to love each other the way we did in the beginning--and to spend the rest of our lives proving it. People always say that they don't regret their marriage because they got their beautiful children out of it, but let me be real (why would I be anything else, right?). Even if we never had our boys, and even if I knew that not marrying Dan would save me all of this heartache now, I would've married him anyway. I know it sounds crazy--but I feel like I learned so much from Dan. I learned how to love and how to be loved. I learned how to suffer loss--and draw closer through the process. I learned how to have someone be strong for me, and I learned how to be strong for myself, and lean on a loving God when those two things failed. Clearly, our marriage was not perfect, but I don't regret it. I am better because of it. It played a huge part in shaping me into who I am today. So does divorce hurt, yes. Always. But would I change the fact that I married Dan, so I could avoid the hurt? No. I regret how the marriage ended, but I do not regret the decision I made to marry Dan. 1 Peter 5:10 Amplified 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace [Who imparts all blessing and favor], Who has called you to His [own] eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen, and settle you.